How to Get Out of Your Own Way

Choose love over fear. Ok done, post complete 😉 No really though, if you want to transform a struggle as gripping as a compulsive relationship with food and your body it takes a dramatic shift in perception.

Up until now you have most likely been living your life governed by fear based beliefs. Fear from the media and outside influences, fear from the diet industry, fear from what others have told you and fear from past experiences drown out our inner wisdom and power. When we focus on fear it becomes our reality.

Each fear based experience or belief you choose to accept and make “real” acts as a brick to the fortress that blocks you from your inner power. Judgment, criticism and attack of yourself and others are no stranger to you during this time. Seeking to control or manipulating situations, people and your body, as well as seeking comfort from outside sources (like food) to temporarily numb whatever discomfort you’re avoiding may feel like home to a fear-minded person. Over time the repetition of fear-based thoughts winning over and over again lead us to view our life through fear clouded lenses and we begin to believe that fear is all that there is. It’s literally like putting glasses on with lenses that only let you view things from a fearful, struggling perspective. Fear, what could go wrong, what isn’t working, how far you have to go…is all you see.

Fear is rooted in the ego. Love is rooted in the true you, in your highest self-expression, in divinity, in God. It is the power inside of you that you can learn to trust and surrender to. This power has your back. I will call it love here, but know I’m referring to that inner knowing, that intuition, and that guidance that comes from a power far greater than can be explained by human comprehension. Since the ego is the opposite, you have to know that this is not the true you, but only an unrecognized part of you that has been governing your life. The ego gets so deeply rooted in the subconscious mind that it creates a stronghold on us that influences our behavior on auto pilot through thought and habit patterns. By examining the ego’s grip on us, and where it shows up in our lives through fear, we can take back the power that is rightfully ours.

Nearly everyone is fear-minded to some extent, but if you’re here your fear most likely has you consumed with your weight, your body and/or food. Mastering this area of your life doesn’t mean that nothing ever goes wrong; it means you get to the point where you can withstand and transform what isn’t right. It means that you accept some days that you feel like shit, some days are hard, some days you spiral and that it’s all a part of the process. If you are willing to choose love over fear, you choose to believe that: YOUR SUCCESS IS INEVITABLE.

Yes, I said it, and I believe it at my core. Confidence, radiance, beauty, health and happiness are your God given right. We were not put on this earth to wallow and suffer. We are tested, but in our trials and tribulations we learn, we gain wisdom and we transform. As we grow the Universe throws more at us to make sure we’ve learned the lesson, so please please please open your heart and LISTEN. The quote by Pema Chodron is one of my favorites for this, “Nothing goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” So true.

The mirror or the scale cannot serve as the only indicator of where you’re at along your journey. It may show you what your thinking was in the past but what is happening in your heart, mind and soul today will create the life that you will live tomorrow, and the next day and the next.

Here is the key to transformation: You must actively work to choose love over fear. Every time you do so, it is a win and you are asserting loving authority over your life. The moment you walk past the fridge when you are craving something that doesn’t support your body, you win. The moment you made it to the gym when you didn’t feel like it, you win. The moment you meet up with some friends even though you were scared to death of what they would think of you, you win. The moment you stand up to someone despite the fear of losing them, you win. The moment you open your heart to the lessons the relationship is here to teach you, you win. The moment you pursue your passion despite the not so perfect circumstances, you win. The moment you make a choice to honor your body, you win.

Subtle shifts, repeated consistently, create massive results.

There is a cycle that may be governing your life if you haven’t been choosing love over fear, and that’s a cycle that’s rooted in fear, separation and guilt. By separation I mean anything that separates from your true inner divine power, from love.

An example for the compulsive eater or dieter looks like this…

FEAR: I can’t honor my body. I need to get this weight off first. I failed her and she failed me. I am scared I will never get ahold of my battle with weight. I need control, I need structure, I need will-power. I don’t trust myself. What diet should I do. Maybe carb cycling, yea let’s try that it worked for a few days before and I lost weight fast. I’m going to diet this week and only eat very strict to flush my body and get back on track. Once I’m back on track and have control I then I will honor my body and soul and take a balanced approach.

SEPARATION: Ah something bad happened. I just couldn’t take the feelings. The thoughts about my body and food were too overwhelming. I should go to the gym but I’m afraid of what people will think about my body. Maybe I’ll just run at home tomorrow. Maybe I’ll just eat and then start back over tomorrow. I’ve been so good I deserve it. I can’t keep up this exhausting way of living so I’m going for it. Nothing is working. Why can’t I heal. I will start that new program I found tomorrow…binge.

GUILT: Why did I do that, I will never lose the weight? I always do this. I’m such a failure. OK back to the drawing board. How can I make up for the damage I did? …fear..isolation…diet…repeat.

Sound familiar? When we aren’t willing to look at our underlying fear straight in the eyes this cycle will repeat itself over and over again. We’ll even end up projecting our feelings and our interpretations that we’ve made through our fear based lenses onto others and situations outside of ourselves to take the pressure and discomfort off of us.

The Solution…

Looking at the ego and surrendering your voice of fear over to love so you can transform your habits and beliefs to support the highest version of you. When we turn our voice of fear over to our voice of love and trust, new opportunities, new guidance and new ways of being come into our experience. You must make choosing love over fear a moment to moment practice. The more you make the choice, the easier this choice will become second nature. This subtle shift repeated will bring you more comfort, peace, ease and results. You want this shift to become your new normal.

Don’t be too hard on yourself either; this work is actually going against second nature and that’s why it’ll feel awkward or off at first. According to brain science, it’s natural to develop a negative bias. This was put in place as a survival mechanism. Simply stated, your brain naturally looks for danger and remembers those negative and “dangerous” circumstances to protect you in the future as much as possible. It is natural and normal to look for what doesn’t work over what does, so you have to condition yourself to a new way of doing things. No matter how different it seems at first; just keep going. LOVE ALWAYS WINS.

How…

Awareness: Take a look at the ways that fear has been directing your life. What thoughts spark fear? What experiences? What feelings come up when you experience fear? How does this change your actions?

Shift your Perspective: Be willing to choose love over fear. Make a list of your fears and declare that you are willing to see love instead. I love this affirmation that I learned from Gabrielle Bernstein when a fearful thought comes up: “Love did not create this, therefore it is not real.” Inhale: Love did not create this, Exhale: therefore it is not real x 3 .. Use it 🙂

Forgive: There are going to be times when things aren’t perfect. Times where you think about your past and see how fear has gotten you to where you’re at. Times where you feel frustrated. This practice of looking at your fears can bring up a lot of discomfort. Let yourself off the hook for them moment. Yes, personal responsibility is very important but we are cultivating compassion here. You did the best you could do in the moment with the knowledge and power that you had. This isn’t about looking back, it’s about looking forward and creating a love-minded belief system to support you on your journey.

A great forgiveness practice is to write a letter to yourself, to the version of you that’s lived in fear. Have it out with your ego, list all the ways you’ve projected fear onto your experience, all the ways it’s affected you, let the anger, rage and sadness flow. Then offer a loving solution to pull yourself through it. Offer forgiveness. Offer support. Offer loving guidance. Self-attack and criticism are rooted in fear, love and support is the opposite. Acknowledgement why you chose this part of you, what need was being fulfilled and then declare that you no longer need it. This part of you no longer serves you. Tell this part of you why it no longer serves you and declare you are releasing it. End with a loving but powerful farewell.

You are up to bigger and better loved filled things now and in the future.

Take time with these practices to integrate all that you’re learning. Rest and self-care is very critical when you’re doing work like this. Have compassion for yourself on this journey, and know that your success is inevitable as long as you’re making the effort to choose love over fear in the process.

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Love,
Brittany

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Love,